I like to read self-help books but usually I have to be in the mood to do so. They can be a bit hoakey and the authors tend to be overly self-involved. In saying that though I can usually get at least a little something from each one, a principle, a concept or an idea. Hopefully something I can put into practice or a thought to expand upon.
Disclaimer: I received a free unedited copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own. I haven’t finished the book but a few phrases really stuck out and made me think. I won’t fully review until I finish but these thoughts wouldn’t go away.
“our deepest desires are not something we have to go out and get; they’re clues to what’s inside us trying to get out. Rather than struggling to heal ourselves, our work is to strip away our false exterior and reveal our innate wholeness.”
“it was the end of an illusion that we are broken, inadequate beings that must fix or add something to ourselves to be complete.”
“This was why so many of our attempts to improve ourselves don’t work, or even make things worse. We attract a new partner but have the same old fights. We manifest a bigger paycheck and end up broke at a higher income bracket. Like trying to dig ourselves out of a hole, the harder we dig, the deeper we get.”
I started to think of this book in the shower thinking about my goal of selling my house within 2 years. I began to think of all the projects I have been doing lately like my office re-design (here and here)and while I love it I know it didn’t help me getting closer to the goal of selling my house. It was cosmetic work that could help stage it but it doesn’t add value and the money could have been used to replace windows, or something of more value.
It also caused extra furniture to have to be sold or removed, which is actually in my spare bedroom and is causing me stress since now my spare bedroom is a mess with the leftover items I need to sort and get rid of. While I am not complaining, I love the room and it makes the room so much more functional, it just doesn’t bring me closer to the goal and it caused more clutter until I can get the items out, which stresses me out.
I started to think of the things that are making my life feel out of balance or causing stress.
1. Work
2. Not working out as much
3. My house
4. Feeling like I don’t have enough time
I am sure that in one point in time all of the above have stressed anyone out. Right? Sometimes more than one at a time.
In reading Emergence – Seven Steps For Radical Life Change, and mind you I am only on step/stage one but a principle idea of stripping away the pursuit of outside things to better your life, work with what was in you already to get what you want made me think.
1. Work is just not going to get less stressful right now. We are adding a growing business, learning that business, and so I am taking on more responsibility while also training a new person. It will be a good 4-6 months few months before the dust settles. I can however work on the other three so I don’t feel overwhelmed.
2. Working out is the last thing I want to do after a long day, but thinking if I run 3 miles it will only take 30 minutes or a Jillian Michaels 30 days shred it’s 20 minutes isn’t working. Trying to find the quickest way to the fastest results so I can move on to the other tasks that were stressing me, defeated the purpose of using exercise to reduce stress! A walk for 45 minutes can give me quiet that I need to think, dream, and calm my mind. The same can be said for hiking. Going back to a gym I am comfortable at rather than one I dread going to would help too.
3. Working on projects that will help add value to the home, de-clutter to bring calmness not chaos, and finishing the projects I need to finish to get it selling ready (liking paining all my trim work) will put my mind at ease and make me feel like I am working towards my goals.
4. Reducing some of the other time wasters and finishing projects will free up some time allowing it to not feel so overwhelming. Learning to say No if I need to, and making my life more clutter free will overall make me feel less rushed and stressed.
So while I haven’t finished or even come close to getting started on this book it has already gotten me to think differently. It has gotten me to focus on what my heart and mind needs, and using what I have now to create a happier space internally and externally.
What stress are you holding on to?
If there a way to reduce it using a resource you already have currently?
Lovely post. You are always striving to do better and that is great. I am at a different life stage. I am content most of the time. I use positive energy to quell any negative thoughts. I am not even going to list my “concerns” here, because I do not want to focus on them. I use affirmations constantly and send lights aka prayers to myself and my loved ones and whoever is in need. Very proud of how self-sufficient you are!
Continued Goddess speed to you!
Love, SMD’s Momma
Thank you. I really try, it doesn’t always work but I try. It is important to stay positive and just keep pushing forward and finding ways to be better. Glad you are in a place of contentment, that is a great place to be.
#4 is me all.the.way. i need all the help i can get in that dept!! i always say i never like too much of anything, except time.
There never seems like enough time! I know I can find more if I refocus, but it is hard when so much is pulling us in every direction. One thing at a time though.
I don’t read a lot of self help books, but this one sounds like a pretty decent one. Taking a realistic look at your true situation can be so eye opening. I think taking this time not blogging to get my life in order is something I could have continued to put off for another few months but now that I’m in the middle of it I’m glad I finally decided to get it over with so I can get on with my life!
I think so, sometimes we get so caught up in surviving that we don’t stop to just think and dream. You have a lot going on so it makes sense to take some time off and just take care of life stuff! We do miss you though.
this is such a great post, and the book sounds interesting.
thinking about the things that upset / stress me out and they are very similar to yours. work stresses me out sometimes but that’s not going to change. not working out stresses me out because i don’t do it enough – gosh i am so lazy when i choose to be! like you said though, certain ways of thinking aren’t helping so i need to change something to make sure i’m actually doing it. for me, i HAVE to get my workout done in the morning, it makes the rest of my day go by so much better. and i want to sell our house too soon and although i don’t have any projects or things like that, i find we are definitely not doing anything to help it, just filling it with more clutter when we could be replacing windows, painting rooms etc.
really loved this post Kerry!! thank you 🙂
Thank you so much. Sometimes one thing just throws off the rest, and we have to really think about what we are doing and fix that one thing that will get the others moving forward again. Taking time to really think about what we want and making sure we are doing things to move them forward, I think is so important. It is hard not to buy things especially in the blogging community because we share our favorites and we trust our friends and we buy them maybe even when it’s against our goals. I am trying to be better but it is hard.
I don’t mind self help type books when they really get you thinking like this one seems to be. I really like that last passage you shared about how we just keep digging ourselves deeper. Man, that is so true!!! I don’t let work stress me out outside of work hours anymore. I am lucky in that I can leave my office for the day and leave work problems there. I know not everyone is lucky enough to be able to do that. I stress myself out about trying to get everything else done though and finding time to do things that I want to do vs things I need to do. Great thoughts here!!!
Yes, why they aren’t too out there they aren’t bad. Yes when I am home I am home, but lately it’s been so busy I just want to go to bed when I get home. Just exhausted. It really is such a balancing act to get everything we need to get done in a day, and trying to prioritize everything. Sometimes things just don’t make the cut.
I stress about the house a lot. I need to get through some clutter.
Clutter can really bring your mood down. It is for sure something I am working on.
This reminds me of a concept from 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think, and that’s the idea of core competencies. Focusing on a few things and making sure your activities get you closer to achieving those specific goals and what you’re good at.
It’s good to reflect on this stuff every once and awhile. Helps you refocus and realign goals and priorities.
Yes, not getting distracting by other things and just focusing. It does help, and I have felt a little off center so I knew I had to slow down and just remember my goals and balance.
I like things like this every once and awhile that allows me to take a step back and reevaluate stressors in my life. Hope youre having a great weekend
It really helps to refocus when you need it, especially when life gets crazy. Sometimes the crazy times are of our own making so it’s good to recognize it and get it under control.
This is such a good way to look at things. I especially liked the work and exercise ones. You put it a good way… work isn’t going to get less busy/stressful. Kind of a light bulb for me. I mean, it’s so obvious but when you get worked up about things you kind of forget that. Maybe taking time for a walk each day would help, during lunch or something!
Yes something just the way they are and times are busier than others and you just have to find ways to cope. Making sure the rest of your life is stress free helps you have the strength to cope with the things you can’t change. A walk or a mental break helps, or another healthy way to relieve stress.
This book sounds like it really helped you figure out your priorities! I recently went through my massive to do list the other day and wrote a new list that way just the “must do” items. These items are the ones that will make the biggest difference and need to be done the soonest, while all the others are items that it would be nice to have done but really won’t make a huge difference. It’s been helpful. 🙂
Yes, sometimes we get so focused on just getting through the days we forget to sit down and recognize what isn’t working. Sometimes the hectic is my own fault and I have to remind myself that I am taking on too much or what really doesn’t need to get down today.
I’m with you on self-help books and having to be in the right mood/mindset. This one sounds like a good one so far– if it’s one that already has you thinking it sounds like it’s already a winner! You will have to share more once you read it if it’s as helpful 🙂
I will be sure to share more once I finish. Even if the rest is horrible (I don’t think it will be) it made an impact and made me think so it is worth it.
That first quote is everything!! Love it!
I love that concept because it really tells us we already have everything we need. We can stop searching, buying, and changing ourselves. We just have to be honest with what we really want inside.